The TWAIN blog

I am in the process of moving my blog over to my Me/Mac account. I learned that I can’t take it all with me. I am losing all the conversations. All the comments have to stay behind. There isn’t an easy process in pulling the XML from Wordpress and Importing to iWeb (in fact, there is no process). So I copied and pasted my favorites, exported a file for keeping of my blog archive, and will close this site soon.

My new address is: http://web.me.com/mrjadkins/TWAIN

I’ve had a great relationship with Edublogs for the years but I want to manage my content more easily, remove the distracting advertisements and merge all my resources into just one website. Right now, my new TWAIN site is a frame for holding my past works and my future conversations. I know it can become more as I invest my time into it.

So – change your bookmarks and/or feeds! http://web.me.com/mrjadkins/TWAIN

See you on the flip!

Today was one of those days when a thought actually became spoken words to myself. “What am I doing here?”

I had “one of those days”. The kind of day that I wish I could do over from start to finish.

I went to San Antonio this morning for Tech Fiesta in a rainstorm. It was a 2-day event that I only was able to attend for one day…um…90 minutes. It was a small version of TCEA complete with an exhibit hall and a bag. I went to learn more about technology tools. I did get to see one of my favorite people, Miguel Guhlin, share about Moodle. I like Moodle. I want a Moodle. I am now encouraged to Moodle, thanks to Miguel.

Then, I received an email to my iPhone about something at work that I don’t want to get into here. It was something disturbing enough to me to get in my car and drive all the way back to work to deal with. It was one of those things that made me stop at home for the moment in my kitchen to say to myself, “what am I doing here?”.

I wish I could say that I handled myself well today and everything turned out good. But it was a day that made me wish I was back in the classroom. I often escape in my mind to think about what I could do as a classroom teacher now with the knowledge I have gained. I know I was a great teacher. I managed to be project-based, differentiated instructionally, and award-winning during my five years in the classroom.

While teaching, I also caused the other teachers in my department to turn against me and to dislike me because of what I was doing in my classroom. I shunned textbooks and would not show the movies the other teachers did. I refused to follow their calendars and lesson plans. I made learning real by involving my students with real clients (they were learning web design – they had to work with clients) and by getting them involved with real scenarios.

I never disciplined by regular standards. I informed the parents that I felt that they should discipline their kids and give me room to teach them. I kept parents informed of everything we did by mail, by email, by webpage, and by phone call. My principal informed a parent that he felt I “over-communicated” when she called to say her son didn’t know about a test date.

I never taught the same thing the same way and encouraged my students to learn more than I knew. I admitted when I didn’t know an answer. I even encouraged my students to have fun while learning. I threw paper at them (is that wrong now?) when it would get too quiet in the room because they were working too hard. I was the teacher who received the most “troubled” students but I did not have trouble with them.

I loved teaching. I still do.

And when I have a rough day, I wonder “what am I doing here?”. Is this something other administrators do? Are there moments when you think about the time you were in a classrooms? Do you go to conferences, read articles or blogs and marvel at what you would do with the tools now if you were teaching?

I have to admit…even on good days, I think about these things.

I am only certified to teach Secondary English and I have never taught it. I was hired out of college to teach technology classes and I had no idea what I was doing. I think I only knew Hyperstudio when I started teaching in a PC-only district. I had a collection of “Dummies” books under my desk! I was afraid when kids would come to me to ask questions. And they were 7th graders!!

I never taught English but can you imagine what kind of English teacher I would be? Would I last? Would my students pass the TAKS test or an AP exam?!? I can’t imagine a department chair putting up with me…..much less the campus technology person! And God help whoever the network administrator would be having to deal with mild-mannered me.

But can you imagine what my students would learn?? Can you picture what my classroom would be like? I can. And that picture brings tears to my eyes after a day like today.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

PS: Miguel – thanks for the real comment in person today about my blog. I thank you for that. I am not self-editing this one.

Today marked the first day of open sessions and the exhibit hall at TCEA. I had a full schedule laid out on my cheat-sheet (which keeps me from pulling out the booklet), and I completely disregarded it. I ended up visiting the Exhibit Hall and then going to the Blogger Cafe.

But this morning was incredibly awesome! I was really blown away to hear my blog post from a few days ago read out loud to the audience. How incredible was that?!?! I thought it was really cool and my row of Kerrvillites seemed to enjoy it as well. What an honor.

I did attend the TEC-SIG luncheon later and heard the speaker share about how the mood we project reflects the mood of our environment. It wasn’t a technology training talk as we usually get; but it was about how we can serve our stakeholders better. It was that component of learning more about how we can serve than just providing more tools and resources for us to gawk at. I really appreciated this presentation for just that reason.

After this, I was asked to be interviewed for a segment on SchoolTube. I asked for Kari Rhame to interview me and she did. I was hoping to embed the video here tonight but it hasn’t been uploaded to SchoolTube.com yet.

All in all, a great day. I hope to get to my sessions tomorrow and to have a good workshop. Tomorrow I am presenting a workshop for three hours on Web 2.0 Tools and I am about to assemble the presentation right now.

Also – great seeing everyone. Thanks for the handshakes and hellos!

I am quite disappointed in the lack of comments to my blog. I get more response on my old Myspace page that I haven’t touched in years, than this place.

I thought blogging was two-way communication. I post something and then people respond.

But lately, I post something and no one responds. Lately?? Who am I kidding? This has been ongoing for about 4 months now! No response! No comments!

It is bruising my delicate ego, to say the least.

Another nail in the coffin: I tried Plurk again recently, only to find that I have no fans there. So whatever I post, no one is reading. I wondered why no one responds to my comments there. The news was broken to me when I had to read the help page to learn that I have no fans. I can post a response to others on the timeline but they choose not to follow me.

I use Plurk to post all my confessions now. It is quite liberating to throw them out to the world. I also post vulgar tirades there. I mean, why not?!?! A timeline of tirades that no one is watching meshed in with other ed. tech leaders sharing about what they eat, how they exercise, and what they think of Plurk vs. Twitter. It is like an explosion of vulgarity between their conversations that only I am enjoying.

I get good responses to Twitter, but that’s the only place where my Web 2.0 interactive conversations take place. The problem is that the response has to be less than 140 characters.

Maybe blogging is dead and I didn’t get that memo! I read blogs daily on all sorts of topics in and outside of education.  I have noticed that several educational blogs/podcasts I used to access haven’t updated in a while (see previous post). Maybe it isn’t just me! Maybe our entire blogosphere has shifted. Have people stopped blogging? I bet they have until February 10 when we all finish the state conference and blogging is cool again!

Ahh.. I dunno what I am saying here. I don’t understand this at all and am really starting to take it personally. I reach out and post on other blogs, Twitter posts, Plurks, message boards, etc. in hopes that the link will draw them to read my opinions here. But…..that isn’t working.

Am I giving up? Nope. This is a nice venting place. People can reply or not. I use it to track my own progress on things.
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Hmmmmm

I don’t think anyone is even reading this post,  so I will end by saying “ppppplllllllbbbbbbppppp!!!!” (phonetic raspberry sound)

A few weeks ago, I deleted over 86 of my Twitter groups I was following. I cleared out the blogs I was following and I completely archived this blog.

I lost my voice.

The voice I want to portray in this blog.

I am trying to figure out what I want that voice to be.

I am as Toffler says “learning, unlearning, and relearning” even in my own blog.

I have been continually writing but keeping the posts private. So that I can fine tune my voice. So that I can make sure that what I write is about what I believe and what I want to represent me.

So, I will keep working at it.

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Meanwhile I am happy to report that my previous employer has found a new technology coordinator who is going to take them to new heights! I had the pleasure of extending a hello to this guy and I am really excited for him and the possibilities at that place. They are really forward-thinking and moving into a really good direction. I remember where we were when I started there and I imagine his first few days and weeks just trying to find the cafeteria, a bathroom, and a quiet place to just absorb all the energy of that place.

I remember having a co-worker who showed me the ropes from his side and helped get me situated. I remember the two of us splitting the responsibilities and his help to get me going, meet all the new people, and helping me to be successful. That person is gone from the district. And now, this new guy has inherited all of the roles and responsibilities that were originally assigned to two, then to three, down to one, and now on his own shoulders.

I don’t believe in abandoning the place where I invested my heart and learned as much if not more than what I brought to the table. I don’t believe that I should leave a place to “figure it out” on their own. I also think it is absolutely disgusting to offer to help in exchange for something from them. Isn’t our field to support learning no matter where we are? Aren’t we by nature supposed to help and not hinder?

First do no harm?

I sincerely want ALL schools and education systems to be successful. And I want ALL teachers – and teachers include technology coordinators, librarians, principals, etc. – to be successful as well. Take whatever you need. Share.